To live a life of depth. It’s always been something I have strived for. I don’t want to look back in my life and realize I wasted my time doing nothing valuable or worthwhile. To look back and realize I could have been used in a better way. I often ponder on what I even think depth is. What would a life of depth be comprised of? It is an abstract concept to me. I am not even sure what it would look like or if I would even realize if it was my reality. It is still an idea that I allow myself to daydream about because I believe I will never go wrong with this mindset. It will never send me backward. Just maybe into a never ending unsatisfying road to progression.
June was probably the busiest month I have had in a very long while. I had set all these goals. I had all these ambitions. I wanted to post 30 posts in 30 days. To shoot another engagement shoot. To start a semester of school. To help with a musical. To help run a part of a group, and to also work every weekend. In June I allowed myself to take one day off. I celebrated my 24th birthday. I celebrated my 4th year of marriage, and in light of all the success, I felt so awful for all the things I didn’t succeed in. It took a while for me to meditate on the good and take the bad as a lesson.
In June I got to witness and understand what failure in the light of success meant. I failed. So many of my goals were not even touched but, I also succeeded. I am trying to learn balance while I love sharing life, and documenting its beauty. I have also grown to love living. I pushed my limits but in the most beautiful way. I for a while have been living in the fear of bipolar disorder. What if I get depressed and can not do the things I said I would do. I did have lows I did have moments when all could do was cry in the shower. I did neglect many different parts of my life and well being. I did hate myself. I did loath myself. But guess what I did it. I lived and I love myself now more than I did when I started it all. I know and I believe that I can fight. I know I can conquer I know I have a drive that no one can stop. If I do not fail in the things I wish to achieve I will never know what true victory is. I will never know what true fight is. I am not done setting ridiculously high goals for myself and I am not done giving it my all in order to possibly stumble or fail.
I am going to be giving this whole 30 posts in 30 days another shot and see how I do. The kids here are out of school so summer has begun. I am picking up my tutoring times again which I am so happy about. I opted out of taking summer classes just because I really wanted to enjoy the summer months with all of the kids. I hope to make some fun memories with them. And hopefully, have some fun adventures of my own. My family and I are planning on taking a trip to Peru which is something that I have wanted to do forever. I was talking with Kyle the other day and realized the last time we took a two week vacation was four years ago for our honeymoon since then we have not traveled for two weeks straight, and I am so so so excited to do so. It is going to be amazing.
Let’s see what else is new in life. I have made a vow to keep my life more organized and to really put more effort into minimizing and finally having a smaller wardrobe. Every three months I redo my capsule wardrobe the things that were not touched I get rid of and go through the rest of my clothes that I put in the attic. I add some pieces and the clothes that I no longer feel I would add back to my wardrobe I get rid of. It has been the most liberating as well as frightening feeling. Because I live In Ecuador It is really hard for me to find quality and ethically made clothes that fit my body. I had made a vow about two years ago to become more conscious of what I purchase and where the thing I purchase come from. Well, since then It has been almost impossible for me to shop here in Ecuador because I have not been able to find any clothing companies that meet my criteria…. And the lack of second-hand shops is not helping either. My cousin is coming in this next month for the whole Peru trip and I am hoping to saddle him with some clothes that I find online or sending him on a Goodwill run.
Well, this post is entirely too random and I just thought I would share the thoughts that I am having. I hope that you all have a fantastic day, and be sure to check back in tomorrow for another post.