This week life was good. I feel like everything went at a pretty slow and reasonable pace. My parents are here in Ecuador which is so exciting and something that I am actually enjoying so much. Things around our life have been slow and they have been pretty routine. I remember as a younger person I always feared routine. I thought that routine would be the death of my joy. Alas, while spontaneity is great, I have greatly loved and enjoyed the structure that I have created in my daily life. Talk about productivity.
This week there has been a theme there has been something that I have struggled and thought about a lot, and it is more than a theme of the week; I feel like it has been a theme of well my entire life. I have this thought that always finds its way into everything that I do or do not do. I love writing. It has been something I have loved for most of my life. Writing is however not something that I have always allowed myself to do. From a young age, I was told time and time again by teacher after teacher that I was not a very good writer. This of course is what triggered me to stop writing and to stop enjoying it all together, something that has conditioned me to be extremely insecure about everything that I write.
Yes, blogging is fun, and yes, it is something that I hope to always continue to do as a creative outlet and something fun in my life. But, when it comes to writing for this blog, I get nervous. For the longest time, I would always have my husband edit every single thing that I posted. But, while it is always a good idea to have someone look over what you write, that isn’t always a reasonable proposition. Kyle is busy and does not always have time to look over the things that I write. I allowed that excuse, the excuse that I needed an editor, to stop me from writing and to stop me from posting. The words that were spoken to me when I was young still haunt me to this day. The words that said to me that I was not a good enough writer. The words that said to me that my grammar wasn’t good enough, and that my word choice is mediocre. The words that told me that I can’t spell well enough.
These words, long since spoken, once again stopped me from doing something that brings me joy and something that I love to do. I remember a quote. I don’t remember it very well, just the general idea of it. It says that we are the ones that are held responsible for our success or failure. It would be so easy for me to blame Kyle for the reason behind me not blogging more because he isn’t making the time to check my work, and it would be so easy for me to allow that to make me stop and to allow me to give up on all of it.
I have decided that I am not going to give up, and that I am going to keep doing the things that I love. I am going to keep growing, keep exploring, and keep putting myself in uncomfortable situations. I am going to keep writing, I am going to keep taking pictures, and most importantly I am going to keep believing in the person that I am and the gifts that God has given me.
God has created all of us so specially and so uniquely. We all have gifts that we should share with the world. Even if your gift doesn’t make much sense to you, I encourage you to find a way to share it with others. Find a way to use it for good and to better the world around you. Find a way to us it to glorify God. I challenge you to think about the gift that you are not using or the passion that you have not allowed yourself to become invested in. Think about it and pray over it. Pray that God will open doors and that you will open yourself up to those gifts and that you will learn how to use them for Him and use them to better the world that we all live in.
Pics from my week…