Tickets are officially booked and I will be heading back to Ecuador next Sunday. I am so happy and extremely nervous. I have a lot of packing to do; my tummy is filled with butterflies every time I think about going back. It has been so long. I cannot help but feel like I am finally getting my life back. Living in the states for the past two months has been difficult. I was so thankful that I got to spend time with my loved ones. I only see them once a year, and my time with them is always deeply cherished. This past week I thought a lot about my future, and what it might look like. I pondered on what exactly my goals and my dreams are, as well as what action is needed in order to make those dreams and goals a reality. I have many goals as well as dreams, which is refreshing. Honestly, it’s a good sign. I would be concerned if one day I woke up and had no motivation.
I then thought deeply on what my greatest goal and dream in life is. Which is to be happy, and to help as many people as I can while finding this happiness. I find happiness in many things, and as long as I am happy I will be accomplishing many different goals and dreams. I realized life has so many varying directions. You can walk down so many different paths. The thought of it gives me anxiety. If I make a decision, whatever it may be, my direction in life will be a result of that decision. But it is also a beautiful notion, that if I start making decisions to be more productive or to start taking steps towards my dreams I will get closer and closer to accomplishing them. I think of it like a story and every story should be told.
We all have a story. We have all experienced life differently, and no two people experience things the same. I have struggled for some time with being myself. I have always naturally been a really shy person. I asked myself over and over and over this week “Who am I” and while this is a really hard question for anyone to answer, I took a shot.
I am Jenise. I am 23. I love nature. I dream of traveling the world. I always drink a cup of tea before bed, and I fall in love far too easy. I want to see the pyramids in Egypt. I can swim in the ocean for hours. I cannot take criticism. I collect things. I fidget a lot. I have awful anxiety. I am passionate about the well-being of our earth. I dance and sing in stores. I love to read. I take lots and lots of pictures. I am shy, but I am also really obnoxious at times. I hang dry all of my clothes. I love deeply and passionately. I have few friends. I always assume the worst outcome will happen. I love fall.
Alas, therein lies a problem; I could go on and on this way describing myself, but the problem I have is this. Everything that I just listed, excluding my name and age, is either something that I do or is a goal. I thought about this. My conclusion is quite morbid, but I believe who we are is not defined until death. Of course, that would also be defined as who we were. Our actions while we are living define who we become in the end and determine how people will characterize our existence during death. I hope to be illustrated as loving, patient, adventurous, and caring. I hope people remember the positive qualities of my existence. I wish to change someone’s life and know that my life had a purpose. I get stuck sometimes and forget. It would be a shame if at the end of my life the greatest thing I provided to society was my own economic gain instead of any real social change.
Writing this weekend wrap up was difficult for me. I had a vulnerable week, but that is okay. I want my blog to reflect my true and unapologetic self. We are all made up of both positive and negative qualities and experiences, and to hide an entire part of who I am would be a shame. Perfection is a lie; I will never be perfect nor will you or anyone you know. If you take anything away from this mumble jumble weekend wrap up, I hope it is this. You have a story. Share it. You are the only one who has walked your life, experienced the pain and the joy the way that you have. That in and of itself makes you an incredible asset to the betterment of society. Let’s hear your voice. I want to hear you voice.
SO TELL YOUR STORY!
SIDE NOTE: I watched Me Before You with my mom and bawled my eyes out!!!!
Goals for the Week
*Finish packing for Ecuador
*Fly to Ecuador
*Take more pictures
*Be more honest with myself.
*Work on relationship
I hope you all have a fantastic week ❤