I am inspired by the fall. The leaves slippery underneath my boots. The colors, reds and yellows, with all variations in between. Perfectly covering my back yard. Gathering firewood for bonfires. Moments where I can breath as I feel the cold fall wind. Moments when the stars are the only thing witnessing my emotions. Nights when my thoughts mesmerize and posses me, leaving me frozen in time. To watch fire turn from a roar to a crackling smolder. I feel like every fall I get this chance to strip off my pain and my failures and start anew. Fall has always been a time that has inspired me to think of the person that I am becoming and ask myself the questions I often dismiss during the year.
What qualities do I posses?
How is my relationship with the lord?
How kind am I to those around me?
How much do I love myself?
What was my biggest accomplishment?
What was my biggest failure?
How do I feel about me body?
Who are my friends?
How much do I love Jenise? And how often do I show her that love?
What could I change about myself?
What do I hope to keep the same about myself?
Those are the questions I find myself to be asking, and it is always a challenge to answer those questions in a truthful way. I want to believe I am a kind, loving person, but the reality is I am not always kind to others or to myself. One of my biggest goals in my life is to be the “best version” of myself. I ask myself how will I become the “best version” of Jenise? I truly believe in order to better myself throughout the years I can never stop seeking internal improvement. I will always have flaws and I will always fall short. That I can accept. However, I will not accept knowing there are improvements to be made, but becoming too complacent or self absorbed to make a change. I feel like in life it can be so easy to just remain the same due to the fear of hurting ourselves or others around us. Afraid of ridicule, embarrassment, and the disapproval of others. Those fears may create serious obstacles for many of us, but what a shame it would be to stop improving ourselves for the appeasement of others. Every fall, I try to find peace. I try to find understanding. And purpose. It is fall in Seattle, and these are the thoughts that have been filling my clouded mind this week. I hope to ask myself these questions and challenge myself to answer honestly, and figure out how to improve Jenise the best way I can.
This is my first weekend wrap in a long time. I had the thought a while ago. I wanted to create this blog as a way of keeping my friends and family involved in my life while I am working in Ecuador. As a place to ask for prayers and really just share whatever is on my heart. I would like to wrap up each week with a thought to let them know how I am feeling and what obstacles or victories I faced during that time. I have written a couple in the past, but I have always been really short and never deep. This blog has become a very special place for me to talk about the things I love and to document life. I face a lot of fear when it comes to sharing, and I am challenging myself more and more lately to break through that fear and become my unapologetic self. I hope you enjoy reading about my week, and I hope that you look forward to my weekend wrap ups in the future.